Mar. 20th, 2017

pennythepants: (Default)
I thought my first post should be a throwback, so here's a letter I wrote to my friend, who was just about to start college. He graduated, in case you were wondering. 

Hello dude.

WELCOME TO COLLEGE! Remember, that the friends you make at college will be your friends for life, so don't sit next to the nerdy, lonely guy reading comic books. (I for one, didn't stay at college long enough to make friends, therefore, I now have none.) Don't sit next to the loud, obnoxious twats either. Trust me, you don't wanna be in with THAT crowd. Find someone that kinda looks like you, and say hi. Smile, be nice, but not too nice, or they will WALK ALL OVER YOU!!! Don't be afraid to do things and go places by yourself either. You don't wanna be that 'weird, needy guy who keeps asking me to go shoe shopping with him, even though we're not even in the same class'. (Also, stay away from people who want to go shoe shopping with you. Stay away from people who want to go shopping with you, period. Unless it's for food, of course.)

Speaking of food, don't be lazy and eat ready meals all the freaking time. I know you're skinny now, but trust me on this, once you hit 20, you start growing sideways instead of upwards. Cook food, because cooking is fun! Oh, but when you go to McD's and Burger King, make sure you take with you as much ketchup and salt packets AS IT'S PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. Play your cards right, and you will never have to buy ketchup and salt for the rest of your life.

Go to your lessons. But if for some reason, lets say, 'you're alarm didn't go off', then chill. No one will die because you missed a 3 hour lecture on the Forensics of Dust delivered by a guy in monotone. (I really wish I'd stayed home that day.) Don't feel guilty about it, but don't do it too often either. Knowledge is power, and no one will hire stupid people.

And finally, it's okay to drop out. I survived, more or less. I'm not saying you should, just reminding you that college isn't for everyone. If you don't like it, grab your shit and hightail it outta there! (Now that you are at college, you are officially allowed to swear, but be careful where you do it. Old ladies carry surprisingly heavy bags.)

One last thing! If you embarrass yourself, by for example, spilling a cup of coke whilst standing in line to pay, and it goes all over the counter/floor/your clothes in your first week, and you feel like cursing your inability to balance items on a tray like all the other normal human beings, and you begin to question if you will ever actually be able to behave like a adult in society and stop embarrassing your self in public like the idiot that you are, or wondering, as you scramble to help the poor cafeteria lady to clean up your dumb mess, if the cute guy that sits behind you in Forensic Science is anywhere within 5 miles of your current location and is silently laughing at how stupid you are... What was I talking about? Oh right. Embarrassment. go with the flow, laugh it off, and forget about it. Believe it or not, people are incredibly self centred, and they don't really care about your balance issues. No one will remember it in two days. Psychological fact.

And there you have it. My guide to college. But I only did it for 3 months, so what the hell do I know.


P.S.: If you need anything, give me a call. I'll probably be working, but having missed calls on my phone makes me feel important.

May 2017

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